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Married to the boss: Running
a business with your spouse
By Ellen
Forman • Bankrate.com
Going into business with your spouse is a time-honored
tradition dating back to the family farm.
Yet in the modern business world, with new roles
for men and women and a bevy of startup possibilities for home
businesses, every step means another decision.
Should one of you remain in a stable job while
the other starts the business slowly, or is it best to take the
plunge together? Should one be "the boss?" Or is shared decision-making
the best way to go?
Words
of advice
And, ultimately, does a partnership in the business world make
sense for you, as a couple and a family? Experts and veteran business
couples say that while there are lots of different ways to pursue
a business as a couple, a few tips are worth noting.
- Ease into it. Unless you've got a pressing
need to immediately zoom on all cylinders, starting out slowly
can help make the transition less bumpy, both financially and
emotionally.
When Paul and Sarah Edwards first started working
together, each had a business -- and a bank account. It was seven
years before the two decided to pool their resources. "By then,
we had clearly defined roles, and I think that's the key to it,"
Sarah Edwards says. The small business consultants are now authors
of 10 books, including Teaming Up -- The Small Business Guide
to Collaborating With Others.
Roy Oppenheim and his wife, Ellen Pilelsky,
now practice law together as Oppenheim and Pilelsky in Weston, Fla.
-- but it wasn't always that way.
The two former Wall Street lawyers moved to
Florida for a less-driven lifestyle and took separate jobs. When
the couple began a family, it was Pilelsky who went out on her own
first. He later joined her in practice.
Today, they have a 10-person law firm that often
counsels couples in partnerships. "The typical model is that one
goes out and establishes the beachhead," Oppenheim says.
- Agree to disagree. In love, opposites attract
-- and complementary skills and ideas often make for the best
partnerships. Yet these differences in style and philosophy can
cause horns to lock at the very moment teamwork is needed most.
"You've got to respect the differences," says
Azriela Jaffe, author of Honey, I Want To Start My Own Business,
A Planning Guide for Couples. "The whole point of bringing your
spouse into the picture is to bring in a completely different perspective.
Couples who make it work laugh about the fact that they're so different.
They not only tolerate the differences but make the most of them."
Difference
of opinion
But not everyone can observe those boundaries. Career coach
Laura Berman Fortgang discovered that when she and her husband went
into business together. She was out beating the bushes for business
and wondering why he couldn't do the same -- even though she knew
his strengths lay in performing behind-the-scenes duties.
"We got to the point where we had to decide
which relationship we wanted," she says. Ultimately, "we cared more
about being married than having the business together."
Eventually, Fortgang went forward with her coaching
business and her husband went into video production. "He's a whiz
at that. And that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't kicked him
out of the business."
- Structure your deal. Oppenheim stresses the
need to make decisions about stock titling and percentage of ownership
at the start, and revisit them as the business matures. Will the
business' stock be held separately or jointly? Do you need to
structure the deal to protect assets against litigation? Will
you base ownership on who brought the most money into the marriage,
who puts the most time into the business or a mixture of both?
Who's the boss? And does there have to be one?
Sometimes, leadership roles happen naturally: She's the brains,
he plays backup. In others cases, people make the decision to actively
take or cede leadership -- or share it.
Paul and Sarah Edwards, for example, make all
big decisions together: when to write a book, change the format
of their radio show or rethink their focus. "We work on the Japanese
model -- we have to both agree," she says. But on smaller matters,
they defer to each other's expertise.
Control issues become problematic when couples
don't agree who should lead. Quite often, couples fall back on traditional
roles. "The man in the partnership will see his wife as an assistant;
she'll see him as a partner," Edwards says. She had one case where
the husband got laid off and joined his wife's business. He thought
of himself as a partner; she saw him as the assistant.
Establish boundaries. Whether it's at the breakfast
table or in the bedroom, make firm rules about where and when talking
about business is off-limits. It's important in maintaining your
marriage -- and your sanity.
Leave
the business at work
While your clients may think that your business pervades everything
in your relationship, it's up to you to make sure it doesn't. "Everyone
assumes that if you tell one, you tell the other, because you're
bringing it home" and discussing it with your spouse over dinner,
Oppenheim says. "It's exactly the opposite."
Sarah Edwards agrees. "You have to have a separation,"
she says. "There are times when the business is over and it's off
limits."
Another big rule in the Edwards' home: No business
in bed. In fact, the larger the area from which you can ban business,
the better, she says. And whether it's the bed, the bedroom or an
entire wing, stick to it.
"The most important rule," Sarah Edwards says,
"is that we never go to bed angry, be it business or personal. Of
course, sometimes, we stayed up really late."
Ellen Forman is a freelance
writer based in Florida
-- Posted: June 10, 1999
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