My list of Christmas requests

Tuesday, Dec. 22
Posted 11 a.m. EST

Dear Santa Claus,

I realize you have a deadline to meet, but could you please take time out of your hectic schedule to consider these requests? None need to be delivered by Dec. 25. They are listed in no particular order.

I'd like:

  • 15 percent annual stock market returns over the next decade, with an account balance worth $3 million at the end of that period.
  • Taut skin, a slim waistline and gravity-defying body parts without having to undergo invasive surgery.
  • A health care plan that truly does curb medical costs.
  • After years of foot-dragging among government regulators about 401(k) plan fees, better transparency at last.
  • A new Achilles tendon for my husband's right foot.
  • No more retirement account mishaps.
  • The ability to issue bonds to foreigners whenever I need more capital, like the U.S. Treasury currently does.
  • The complete cessation of hatred among terrorists toward Americans.
  • Stability of gas prices at $1.19 a gallon.
  • An inverse relationship between risk and return so that the less risk an investor assumes, the better the return.
  • The ability to play tennis like Maria Sharapova without all that practice.
  • Sudden creation of jobs, so that the unemployment rate actually falls to zero percent.
  • No correlation between campaign contributions donated by lobbyists and election outcomes.
  • No more E.D. commercials on TV, please.
  • A big scramble among colleges to attract students, resulting in deep discounts on tuition costs.
  • No more poverty or hunger anywhere in the world.
  • The replacement of stress with equanimity through the holidays and throughout the year.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Merry Christmas!

Best wishes,

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