Bankrate: You always have the feeling that if I say I paid $300 for my iPod, they're going to know somebody who paid $250. Peggy Post: That's true. We're such a deal-oriented society these days and then you feel silly because you didn't get the deal that the other guy did. Bankrate: Could you just deflect the question by saying, "Why do you ask?" Peggy Post: That's one of the ways to handle these nosey questions. Of course, it's the old "answering a question with a question." Bankrate: Not proper etiquette, huh? Peggy Post: Well, I'd say that is. Instead, you could say, "None of your business" or "I'd rather not talk about that if you don't mind," and then change the subject, those are the most gracious ways. But when somebody is really just digging in and digging in and asking, that's when it's the last defense, and I'd say that is perfectly fine. Bankrate: It's especially difficult to teach kids not to ask about money, isn't it? Peggy Post: Absolutely. We are more and more a materialistic society; it's a topic that is just front-and-center. That's why I think allowances are good for teaching children the value of money, so that they know there are some limits there. Bankrate: How do you counter the "bling" factor when your kids want the $200 sneakers? Peggy Post: There are the parents who say, "I don't care if Johnny has a $200 pair of shoes, this is what you're going to get." I think that can be really helpful for a child to realize that the sky is not the limit, that there are some parameters. There is nothing wrong with saying "no" to one's child. It's a good lesson, frankly. Bankrate: You're constantly asked about wedding gifts, how much should I spend, etc. What are the rules? Peggy Post: Gift-giving is a huge topic today. So many questions come up, not just about wedding gifts. A lot of people just worry about what to get for somebody; they don't trust their judgment. It's nice that they want the other person to enjoy what they give, but you have to be realistic and go within your budget, too. What is the going rate for a wedding gift these days? Well, there are so many variables. Bankrate: Is it true that some of the toy stores now have gift registries for children? Peggy Post: Yes. I just think that fosters greed, frankly. I can't condone it. Yes, you want to find out what gifts your child might like. Well, do it subtly; walk through the store with him, instead of saying, "Here, just check off everything you want and we'll give it to Grandma and Grandpa, and you'll get all these goodies." It's going away from trying to select things so you don't have duplicate gifts for a bride and groom. Bankrate: The rules don't really apply among sport shoppers though, right? Peggy Post: If someone wants to say, "Look at this new jacket, it was a bargain, I got 50 percent off and paid $60," you'll hear that a lot just because that's our retail system, there are so many sales. That's kind of like a quest, going out hunting. And that's OK; among really good friends, that's fine. But to constantly talk about one's own money and to be probing and asking what other people pay, those are the two places to put on the brakes. When in doubt, always remember Emily Post's four cornerstones of etiquette: respect, kindness, consideration and honesty. |
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