You put up your tree:

The day after Thanksgiving.

The first two weeks of December.

Christmas Eve.

Dec. 25. (The selection's not so great, but you wouldn't believe the prices!)

The best place to get really nice Christmas decorations is:

A department store.

A discount store.

The neighbor's porch.

For the holidays, your mailman gets:

$50 –- a reward for a year of great service.

Cookies –- share the holiday warmth!

A card –- just like last year. (Come to think of it, when's the last time you actually got any mail?)

At the holidays, your cell phone plays:

''Jingle Bells.''

''Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel.''

''Ride of the Valkyries.''

Your holiday lights:

Go up Dec. 1.

Go up on the first not-too-rainy, not-too-windy, not-too-cold weekend when there isn't a big game on, sometime in December.

Are still up from last year. (In your face, Neighborhood Decorating Committee!)

The best way to prepare for the annual family invasion/gathering is:

Do everything yourself. (You're making memories here -- and its got to be perfect!)

Have everybody bring a dish. (So what if we get four jars of gefilte fish?)

Book a trip to the Bahamas and hide out for the duration.

The best gifts:

Come in small packages.

Come in large packages.

Come from the heart.

Come with a receipt.

When it come to lights, your attitude is:

Damn the power company -– get another 10 strands.

A few small twinkling lights look elegant.

The porch light already shows off the wreath nicely, thanks.

Your favorite holiday movie is:

''It's a Wonderful Life.''

''National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.''

''Eight Crazy Nights.''

''Die Hard.''

Your favorite seasonal food is:

Candy canes.

Latkes.

Traditional cookies.

McDonald's eggnog shake.

Your family's holiday tradition is:

A trip to see a local production of ''The Nutcracker.''

Making popcorn and cocoa to watch the annual showing of ''A Charlie Brown Christmas.''

Blowing the holiday budget on a trip to Vegas. (You want lights? They are lights!)

Your attitude on sending gifts to long-distance relatives:

Pack and mail early -– their presents have to be on time, too.

Get them there as close to the date as you can. (Besides, we're talking about a whole season here.)

Pick something up at the after-Christmas sale. (If they ask, you're Eastern Orthodox now.)