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Wedding dilemma: more debt
or smaller ceremony?
Dear Debt Adviser:
I am getting married shortly and need to find a way to get money
for the wedding. I have a large amount of credit card debt that I
started to focus on (including getting a second job). But I actually
need to acquire more debt to get the wedding paid for, and then I
can focus on consolidating the debts in the best way possible. My
fiancée and I do own a home, but if I attempted to go into
a HELOC, I would be pushing the 90- to 95-percent loan- to-value (LTV)
ratio. What should I do?
Matthew
Dear Matthew:
Absolutely, positively stay away from further debt to pay for
a wedding. You will be married (I hope) for a lot longer if you
don't finance your wedding than if you do.
The No. 1 cause of marital stress and divorce
is, you guessed it, fighting over money! Plus, you already have
what you describe as "a large amount of credit card debt"
that you will be bringing into the marriage. Lastly, why would you
want to be paying off a one-day event years after the fact instead
of having fun?
Even for a couple with no debt, I would not recommend
financing a wedding with credit except as a last resort.
Given the above, my advice is to do one of two things.
But before we get to those, determine whether an expensive wedding
is a must for the two of you. For some people, a special celebration
with family and friends to mark the day they are married is very
important. It is, however, not required to have a lasting, committed
relationship with your spouse, and it is certainly not a requirement
that it be costly. My own wedding was a medium-sized affair that
included a clambake on the beach at a very modest cost!
If you decide that a costly wedding is something that
you both want, then decide if you are willing to work for it. By
work, I mean you're willing to sacrifice and save in advance, instead
of immediate self-gratification!
Postpone the wedding and continue to focus on paying
down your existing credit card debt. The second-job money is perfect
for that. Also, cut back on monthly expenses (here's where the sacrifice
comes in) and start a wedding savings account. I would also suggest
that your intended consider a second job as well. I love equal-opportunity
weddings!
Your goal should be to pay off your existing credit
card debt and save enough for the wedding before you say, "I
do." As incentive, in a prominent place in your home put up
a photograph of the dress your fiancée would like to wear,
the location at which you would like to recite your vows and any
other motivating visual to remind you of your goals.
The wedding gift you will have given yourselves, starting
your married life without the burden of unsecured debt, is priceless.
Since married couples fight most often about money, you will be
ahead of the game by getting rid of your debt before getting married.
Along that line, if your fiancée is not aware of your credit
card debt, now would be a good time to let her know.
If, after talking it over, you decide you don't need
the kind of wedding that creates debt, you still should get yourselves
out of your existing debt first. And you can replace the wedding
savings account with a honeymoon savings account and treat yourselves
to a wonderful trip to celebrate getting out of debt.
One of my favorite things to do on a Sunday afternoon
is to look at the wedding section of the paper and see those smiling,
fresh faces just starting out with so much hope. Don't trade that
hope for debt!
Good luck!
The Debt Adviser, Steve Bucci, is the president
of Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Southern New England. Visit
CCCS
for additional debt
advice or click
here to ask a debt question.
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