Even though they were wonderful people, they moved a lot. We were very poor, and I felt bad about myself. If you're a child and you're trying to survive, you do the best you can, and you come up with all kinds of scenarios, like, is it my fault?
But those teenage years hit, with all that anger and confusion, and I did everything rebellious I could do. I drank and fought and did drugs, and then I found three like-minded guys and formed Mötley Crüe. The dream was in place, fueled by the anger, which in turn fueled the music and the lifestyle.
When I hit the time where it was spinning out of control, I was doing the very best I could to fill a hole that was unfillable. That, to me, is the important part of the story. We can talk about addiction and recovery, and I think that's very important, but without looking back, without peeling the onion, we're gonna have a hard time dealing with just the recovery.
Bankrate: So now that you've processed all this, your recovery has been solid?
Nikki Sixx: In a perfect world, I could tell you that I'm sober 20 years. But I can't tell you that. I'm sober six years, and the reason is that for years I didn't drink or do drugs, but I never peeled the onion.
I tried to control it, and I didn't realize that actually being powerless is what gave me sobriety, not being in control of that sobriety. You don't have any control over that. You have to give up before you can get up. All those psychological things, those 12-step and spiritual things, they're very important. When people say, "one day at a time," I used to roll my eyes and go, "Oh Jesus. Please." Now I get it. I stay sober and do the best I can do one day at a time. That's how I've set my life up.
At the end of this book, something very interesting happened to me. I went through a very difficult divorce. The end of the book was written. I was married, a photographer, in Mötley Crüe, was a father, was sober. It sounded like the perfect ending. Then my wife files for divorce, it becomes a very brutal divorce, and I was able to hold my head up, stay sober, go through it respectfully, and not do what my father did to me, which was run or not be available.
I focused on my children. I focused on my creativity. I focused on doing the right thing day by day, and my children are better children and I'm a better father for it. We're more connected. That, to me, is amazing. Because when life hurts, people act out in different ways. Nikki Sixx's way of dealing with pain, historically, has been pain relievers. And I didn't do that, and I'm very proud of that. I think that's an important point to the story.