Bankrate: You do seem pretty down-to-earth. Do you have your extravagant side?
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh yeah. For 15 years I earned crummy money, but something happened last year -- after the Pam Anderson roast -- where I started earning percentages of theaters. So my big thing was that I bought my first two pairs of Jimmy Choo and Gucci shoes. I had four pairs, and they had these beautiful bags they came in. They were just so gorgeous that I got hooked, and I'm like, "I'm not a girl. How did that happen?" But it just took off. And I had this closet full of Manolo Blahnik's because I was addicted to "Sex and the City," so I felt I had to be like them. I wear them each once because they're 5-inch heels, and who can wear those? Retarded. So I love those, and I love really expensive Gucci purses, although I priced one at $3,700, and I couldn't do it. I have my limits. I can say, OK, $1,300, I can do it, but when you see $3,700, you go, "Oh my god, that's too much." So I can't believe I turned into a girl. I also love really expensive makeup, because when you hit 45 you better make it expensive or you might as well look like Tammy Faye. I also go to Canyon Ranch, that health spa, once a month, for 10 grand a week. I love that, because you lay around the pool, you get massages, all that spiritual awakening crap that I make fun of, but actually believe in. I love spending money, dude. I don't know what happened. I snapped. I love room service, because I don't even look at the bill, I just sign it. You know what my most proud thing is? I'll go into Dior or something, and they'll think I'm a lowlife, 'cause I'm just me. And I won't even look at prices and I'll be like, "I'll just take that, that and that," and it feels just like "Pretty Woman." I just pray that when they give me the receipt, it wasn't too much. It always scares me a little going, "Was that awful bracelet $1,000? It better be $200." Oh, and my other addiction: I spent $5,000 on hair extensions so I could look young without plastic surgery.
Bankrate: What's your favorite out of all these?
Lisa Lampanelli: The Canyon Ranch. It's just so relaxing. It's the 800 different activities that I ignore, like all these exercise classes that I totally blow off. Every day I say, "I'm gonna do stretching class, relaxation and meditation and breathing." I end up just getting massages and sitting by the pool and going into the Jacuzzi and being lazy, to decompress. I didn't take any vacation for 15 years. Now I take one a month. I love it.
Bankrate: It was the Pam Anderson roast that made the big difference for you, careerwise?
Lisa Lampanelli: That's when I started selling places out. Everybody kept saying, "Oh, I saw you on the roast," and then it started really taking off because of Howard Stern, and then the William Shatner roast, and then my specials. It all kind of accumulates. So I'm in the theaters instead of the clubs, and I'm like, "Wow, it all works." If you just work hard and get on TV enough, you can sell out places. It's so much fun.
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