Have you ever led your significant other to believe there is more -- or less -- in your ''mad money'' stash than there really is?

Nope.

S/he may have a slight misimpression.

''Uh ... depends on what your definition of 'is' is.''

You're splurging at Chez Shlomo, ordering the house special of duck a l'orange with a gefilte-fish garnish (we're vegetarian -- but enjoy). The wine flows like water, and one of those frightening flaming desserts caps your frills-filled repast. You figure this is going to cost you a fortune -- only it doesn't, because your waitress ostensibly forgot to add the quacker to your check. Do you tell her?

Oh, please.

Well, no, but you leave her a really, really nice tip.

Sure, her boss could take it out of her pay. In any event, it's just the right thing to do.

Whoa -- the ATM you just used must have the hiccups, because you asked for $200, and it spewed $400. You:

Keep it -- ''Bank error in your favor, collect $200'' isn't just a Monopoly card, pal! Besides, how could they prove it?

Notify the bank immediately.

Wait to see if the bank notifies you. It's their mistake and their problem -- you've got your own to deal with.

You and a co-worker daydream at the water cooler about how great life will be once you two can shuck the daily grind. Toward that end, he asks how much you have socked away in your IRA. It is a modest -- very modest -- little IRA, this IRA of yours. What say you?

''I could retire today -- if I were willing to call a bus locker 'home.'''

''I'm all right -- nobody worry 'bout me.''

''Let's just say I have what you have -- in your dreams, buddy boy.''

You're leaning against a 'Benz, waitin' on a friend, when a hot-number-type gives you the look of love and says, ''Nice car!'' You say:

''Sure is.''

''Yeah, wish it were mine.''

''Thank you. It's in its resting phase right now, or I'd offer you a lift.''

You take your 12-year-old niece to The Adolescent Angst Amusement Park. You could save at least 10 bucks letting her enjoy such rides as The Tunnel of Tumult, The Hormonal Roller Coaster and The Manic Mood Merry-Go-Round -- if you say petite Pixie is under 12, which would be totally and unequivocally believable. Do you?

Sure -- who wouldn't? It's win-win: The park still makes out, and you save a few bucks

Absolutely not.

You'd be tempted, if it didn't involve a child who would doubtless overhear: bad example, and all that.

The cashier at the Over-rings R Us market gives you $5 too much change. Be still your heart. Out of the last dozen wrong-change situations here, exactly one dozen have been in the store's favor. Now what?

Pocket the change, as you wish the twit a good day. You are so owed.

Go home and review the register tape and your financial transaction, to make sure you indeed got $5 too much. If so, you'll probably ''pay it forward'' to your favorite charity.

Hand over to the cashier the extra fiver.

You've got one of those ''honor system'' things going at the office coffee room -- you help yourself, then toss some coins in the communal jar to go toward buying more supplies. You're plumb out of change, but dying for a cup of coffee, so you:

Pour yourself a cup, and make a mental note to contribute a little extra next time.

Pour yourself a cup. Is that what that jar of change is for?? Oh, please -- nobody at the office will go broke supporting your coffee habit; besides, for what you get paid, the boss should install a wet bar beside your desk.

Take a drink from the water fountain.

An acquaintance tells you the (discount-shop) shirt you're wearing is to die from. Or to die for. Whatever -- it involves a fatality, and the clear implication is that this is good. It's also clear said acquaintance would like the genealogy of the garment. Your response?

''Don't faint -- $9.99 at Daffy Dan's Discounteria!''

''Why, thanks; it should look good, for what it set me back. Toodles now!''

''Madonna would kill me if I revealed the name of her personal couturier.''

You're not a day late, but you are a dollar short -- with this month's rent. Not deliberately. No, indeedy -- you've long been a tenant in excellent standing. Slip of the pen, really: Instead of making out the check for the correct amount of $749.37, you write it out for $748.37. You realize the mistake after submitting payment to your long-distance landlord, so you:

Forget it -- it's just a dollar; cripes.

By phone, by fax, by e-mail -- by all three, if necessary -- do not quit until you can get your landlord's immediate attention, so you can explain, apologize and pledge to remit the missing $1 posthaste.

Make a note to add the extra buck to next month's rent.