Matri-money: The perfect wedding gift
By Pat Curry • Bankrate.com

Wedding planner Deb McCoy says there's a topic on the mind of just about every bride and groom she talks to, and it's sure not very romantic.

"You would not believe the e-mails I receive about how to ask for money," says McCoy, author of four bridal reference books, including The Elegant Wedding and the Budget-Savvy Bride. "I've had people ask if they can put 'cash gifts only' on the invitation.

"No. You just can't."

Whether the bride and groom ask or not, a survey cited by Stockgift.com notes that 94 percent of engaged couples would be tickled to open a gift that says 'Pay to the Order Of ...'

The same survey noted that about one out of every 10 traditional wedding gifts goes back to the store, often to pay expenses of the wedding.

"I can't tell you the number of couples who come in and say, 'I hope we make a lot of money at this reception or we're in trouble,'" McCoy says. "In many, many cases the gifts go back to pay the expenses of the wedding of their dreams."

It's not honeymoney
Here's another common scenario. The happy couple is married on a Saturday night and has a Sunday afternoon flight to the Caribbean. They've received several envelopes with cash gifts, and gee, the bank is closed until Monday. So they take it with them on the honeymoon.

"With that money sitting in your pocket, all of a sudden you're going to buy more expensive wines at dinner, take a carriage ride and ogle at some glorious thing in a window," says Ric Edelman, best-selling author of The Truth About Money. "You're going to live great for a couple of weeks and come home as broke as you left."

If either of those situations seems familiar, that sound you hear is a window of opportunity closing forever, because many newlyweds leave the reception with some serious bucks -- often between $5,000 and $10,000. And while etiquette says it's tacky for gift-givers to tell the bride and groom how to spend their money gifts, consider these bits of advice Bankrate.com's way of offering congratulations.

"Never again will you have 200 to 250 people giving you lump sums of money," Edelman says. "Consider this a jumpstart on your future. It can help you buy a house sooner than you would have been able to or enable you to avoid the risks of incurring debt as you're starting out. This can give you a huge head start on your goal of building a strong financial foundation, which is the exact reason they gave it to you."

Asking/giving with style
If you want to let your guests know that cash is a preferred gift, a couple of options are available that get the message across without being as crass as a Las Vegas wedding chapel -- complete with Elvis impersonator.

Bridal registries have become increasingly popular in recent years, with couples signing up at everywhere from Tiffany's to Home Depot. It's a good idea to register at a few places, McCoy says, because no guest should ever feel compelled to give more than he can afford.

"The considerate bride and groom will register for gifts in all price ranges," she says, "so someone who isn't as financially able will give something they can feel proud of and something the bride and groom really wants."

If what you really want is money, consider Stockgift.com.

The brainchild of two 20-somethings who got engaged and didn't need any more toasters or towels, Stockgift.com offers couples (and anyone else with an occasion) the opportunity to list stocks and mutual funds in which they would invest money gifts. Friends and relatives can use credit cards or checks to give whatever amount they wish, without having to open a brokerage account. The couple pools the funds and makes their purchases when they're ready and the market is right. Or, if gift givers already own shares in the companies the couples favor, they can pass those along.

Toasters, blenders or cash?
McCoy considers registering with a site like Stockgift.com as a blatant announcement that couples just want money, but Edelman says he didn't consider it a serious breach of manners.

"I think people are familiar with the economic realities of life," he says. "I'd rather give them $50 toward the down payment on a house than a blender. If you don't like it, don't do it."

An important side note for newlyweds is this: if you do use your money gifts toward a down payment, a little record-keeping early on may save you some hassles during the mortgage application process. Doug Nadius, CEO of MortgageIT.com, said that a large deposit in a savings account makes lenders raise an eyebrow about whether the money was a gift or a loan that will impact their income to debt ratio.

"We tell them to run a tape of the deposit," Nadius said.

The tape will show that the deposit was several checks in smaller amounts instead of a lump sum that could be construed as a loan. That and a copy of the wedding invitation showing the deposit was within a few days after the wedding should be enough to solve the problem.

The bride, the groom and the money
Considering the fact that most newlyweds start their marriages with outstanding debt, one financial Adviser says that while saving for a house or investing in the stock market might be tempting, it might be better to use those gifts to pay off the credit cards.

"I look at these things -- stocks and mutual funds -- and if you look at them historically, they grow more than real estate gross," says Ralph Russell, vice president/investment officer of Dain Rauscher Inc., in Oak Brook Terrace, Ill., and host of a financial radio show on WGN in Chicago. "If you've got 20 percent credit card debt hanging over your head, you'll be hard-pressed to match that in the stock market."

With the debt eliminated, Russell advises couples who are thinking of applying their money gifts to a down payment on a house to invest in mutual funds to make the gift go further.

"If you only get the national average of 4 percent to 5 percent growth on real estate, mutual funds are a better investment," he says. "The idea is invest some of it, and have it grow for you for a couple of years, and then cash out for that down payment."

If gift givers have a close relationship with the bride or groom, such as a grandchild or godchild, and would like to give a more long-term gift, Russell notes, "buying shares of an established company that has a history of splitting its stock is a real good idea.

"Many mutual funds will allow you to set up dollar-cost-averaging accounts and allow you to debit your checking account to buy additional shares," he said. "Look for one that will let you get in for the smallest increment. Most don't let you get in for less than $250. Then it's like $25 a month."

The ultimate example of making the most of a cash gift, though, may be one mentioned by Kathleen Kennedy, author of the upcoming book, Priceless Weddings for Under $5,000.

"This couple was given $40,000 as a wedding gift by the bride's father," Kennedy says. "His instructions were to either have a large wedding with the funds, or elope or choose a small wedding and invest the money. They had a small but posh wedding and put a down payment on a loft in San Francisco. Because the real estate market was so hot, the loft went up almost $200,000 in value in the course of a year and a half."

Now that's matrimoney at its best.

Pat Curry is a freelance writer based in Georgia
To comment on this story, please e-mail the Bankrate.com editors

-- Updated: May 16, 2003