Don't rush financial decisions when spouse dies
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One woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, joined the widows group and gave it its moniker, The Mutual Bond Group. She had an advantage in that she had been responsible for paying bills and gathering all the necessary documents for the accountant at tax time. Nevertheless, she says she found the group useful.

"Anytime you're with a group of people who are in the same situation, it's an asset," she says. "I was very nervous about making decisions. You have to garner as much information as you can so you can make decent decisions."

It's not just women who have a difficult time dealing with financial matters when a spouse dies. Colgan found that being a CFP wasn't much help when his wife, Joanne, passed away suddenly in her 20s in 2001.

"I had been a CFP for 10 years and yet I wasn't capable of doing everything that needed to be done. In the midst of grief it's almost as though part of your brain shuts down. You're so consumed and overwhelmed that the simplest task can be daunting. After Joanne died I didn't want to think about anything other than her and the memories we shared. All these things are going through your mind and then you get a notice for the car lease payment and it's not a priority."

Colgan's experience inspired him to write the "Survivor Assistance Handbook," which is specifically for spouses after the fact: Your spouse died; here are the challenges and how to deal with them.

He then realized the need for legacy planning, taking care of things before they become an issue. "People know they should do this but they don't have the motivation. Death is an uncomfortable subject. You think you'll worry about it when you're in your 80s. My wife died when she was in her 20s. You just don't know."

Colgan devised a system where people can plan their legacy at home, when they feel like tackling it.

"It's a process-oriented, private way of documenting your legacy. It's kind of like what Turbo Tax does for your tax return. You don't need to be an accountant to figure out your tax return and you shouldn't have to be an expert on legacy planning to create your own legacy."

Although this article has focused on surviving spouses, many adult children face the same dilemma when they have to sort through and deal with financial issues left behind by a parent who has passed away.

If you'd like to share experiences and ideas on how to survive the financial hurdles that sometimes occur when a spouse or parent dies, please e-mail us at editors@bankrate.com.