Be master of your money universe
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Relative bliss
Where does our money relativity come from?

"It has everything to do with your childhood," says Mellan. "My husband grew up quite poor and certainly they never took taxis. It's partly that. I don't think there is a very good reason for it beyond childhood habits. It does defy logic."

But that doesn't mean you're fated to spend like an Enron exec on vacation and run your family into debt just because your dad did. Every day, Mellan helps clients recognize and overcome harmful spending behaviors.

"First of all, I have people keep 'emotional spending' diaries. They write down everything they spend and how they feel about it," she says. "That really gives you this kind of information. They might spend $5 on a cab and feel that this is outrageous, a waste. Or maybe they would spend a lot of money on something else and it would never occur to them that it is extravagant."

Next, she helps them recognize when money relativity is warping their judgment.

She also teaches them about behavioral finance, or what some call mental accounting, that places goods into categories much like a money diet: OK to buy, not OK to buy.

Once they see their vulnerabilities, she has clients write down their short-, medium- and long-term goals. That tends to bring some of the pain back into paying.

Mellan cautions that it can be an uphill battle to curb your spending in a consumer culture where wants and needs are considered interchangeable.

"We live in a very adolescent culture. We as a nation haven't learned to delay gratification for deeper fulfillment. We don't do long-term thinking about anything; everything is a short-sighted solution. But there's only so much money to go around. Whether it's a need or a want, do you have enough money for it? If not, you either have to earn more or spend less. It's that simple."

Jay MacDonald is a contributing editor based in Mississippi