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Curing
a spendaholic
By Steve
Bucci • Bankrate.com
Dear Debt Adviser,
I have hit rock bottom with my spending habit.
I am a wife and mother of two and a spendaholic. I have just about
run us into financial destruction. My husband has a successful career,
makes good money, yet none of our bills are paid, our truck was just
repossessed and he is about to walk out on me. I need help and I don't
want to lose my family. My husband has traveled for many years and
I have kept all of this from him until now. He would always say, just
make sure I have what I need and take care of the rest. I feel as
though the void in my marital life and my self-loathing tendencies
have put us where we are now. What kind of help is there for me and
will I ever get our credit restored? The bill collectors are vicious
and it's not like I can say, "I can't help it, I have a problem
with spending," and then make it all better. Please help me find
the help I need. I am desperate. Thanks -- Kate
Dear Kate,
All long journeys begin with small steps. You have made a great
start by admitting that you have a problem with spending and being
honest with your husband about it. Congratulations on coming this
far. I know that both were extremely hard to do. However, these
are the last kind words you will hear from me! You have serious
work to do and here are my suggestions:
First, get control of yourself. Find a Debtors Anonymous
meeting and attend. Debtors Anonymous is a 12-step program modeled
after Alcoholics Anonymous. DA has helped many people in your situation
come to terms with their spending and lead debt-free lives. DA has
more than 500 meetings nationwide and in 13 countries. It doesn't
matter if the meeting is too far, or at a bad time: Go! You can
find some more information at DebtorsAnonymous.org.
Second, help carry the load by finding employment
or making extra income to help pay off the debt. No matter how small
your contribution, you made the debt; you need to help get rid of
it. This will go a long way with your husband to show that you are
serious about your situation.
Third, get control of your finances. Both you and
your husband should go to see a legitimate, traditional credit counselor
to help create your debt payoff plan, open the lines of financial
communication and set some goals you can both work toward. The unbiased
professional advice could be just what you need to begin getting
your financial lives in order and keeping them that way.
Fourth, about restoring your credit: Forget about
it. Restoring your credit is so far down on your list of priorities
right now that spending any time on it will just distract you from
those things that are important in your current situation. Your
credit history will take care of itself if and when you take care
of your life and family. Stop thinking about using credit, start
thinking about living each day as best you can, without borrowing
on the future.
Kate, I know that you can turn things around
with some hard work, rebuilt trust and some good advice. Don't forget
to attend the Debtors Anonymous meetings and I wish you the best
of luck!
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