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 Imagine
if a doctor urged you to undergo a treatment, but failed to mention
that it fails with 90 percent of patients like you. You'd sue and
win in any court in the land.
Yet self-help gurus routinely make low-success
recommendations without reprisal. For example, haven't you heard
a guru intone that the key to success is self-esteem or affirmations?
Or urge you to "dream it and you can do it"? Or even "Don't
push. When it's meant to be, it'll be." The gurus persuade
you with tales of how they or an acolyte went from depressed to
delighted, rags to riches, dung shoveler to diva.
What gurus don't tell you are the odds. Sure, it
worked for their cherry-picked exemplar or for themselves. After all,
they were smart, driven or lucky enough to get a book published or
appear on Oprah. The problem is that most consumers of their nostrums
aren't as smart, driven or lucky. The gurus don't admit that for every
million-dollar success story, countless people bought their exhortations,
yet are still mumbling in their beer.
I'm tempted to attend some guru's introductory lecture
designed to up-sell attendees an expensive workshop or set of CDs
and ask, "What percentage of your attendees significantly improved
their life as a result?" If the guru were honest, he'd probably
say he doesn't know. Few gurus are brave enough to validly evaluate
their efficacy. Or if they were professional enough to do so, based
on my discussions with many colleagues, career coaching clients
and friends, I know the efficacy rate would be low. Barbara Sher,
one of the few self-help experts I respect, author of "Wishcraft"
and the nugget-filled "Barbara
Sher's Idea Book," agrees.
"I ask my audiences, 'Raise your hand if you've
actually been helped by positive thinking?' No one does."
What has more often helped my clients?
- Get a family member, colleague or friend
to hire or refer you into a better job than you could land in
the open market.
- Rather than a career change, consider a career
tweak. Delegate or outsource your job's yucky parts, become expert
in one of your field's niches or change bosses or workplaces.
- Accept, at long last, that your laziness
is hurting you too much. Then, become aware of each moment you're
deciding whether to work or shirk, and more often choose to work.
- If you have, or suspect you have, a problem
such as depression, bipolar or attention deficit disorder, consider
having an expert evaluate you regarding medication.
- Stop analyzing and start acting: Take a low-risk
step. An object at rest tends to stay at rest -- the slacker syndrome.
- Develop a plan broken down into baby steps.
Yes, that's a cliché, but it works. Sher urges her clients
to constantly ask themselves, "Does this get me closer to
my goal or not?"
- Look better: Lose weight, get nicer clothes,
haircut or makeup.
- Consider going back to school. I hate to
recommend that because, if you're self-motivated, mentorships
and self-study can teach you more of value, faster, less expensively
and more conveniently. But many people need school's structure
and the threat of a bad grade to motivate them.
- Start a simple business, perhaps one (or
more!) you can run from home such as editing, tax preparing, tutoring,
agenting, brokering, virtual assisting or coaching. That, too,
is a favorite Sher recommendation. She knows coaches in charisma,
fashion, cooking, performance anxiety, writing, parenting, decorating,
organizing and business. Or make dolls and offer them at craft
fairs, sell your to-die-for fudge to restaurants and caterers,
sell gift baskets, flowers and kids' toys in the halls of corporations
to workers too busy to go shopping.
- Another recommendation Sher and I agree on:
Consider getting support. Many, but not all, people attain goals
faster and more pleasurably with a buddy or "success team"
to brainstorm with and report to weekly or even daily. Each session,
after you get help, help the other person(s).
- We're all capable of behaving better or worse.
Decide to be your best self.
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