Talking money to your mate | |
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Creators vs. preservers
Perhaps practicing financial planners have more insights about the dynamics of money and how it affects their clients. In an article that ran in the FPA Journal some time ago, Courtney Pullen and Certified Financial Planner Kathleen Parks classify their clients either as creators or preservers, or somewhere in between.
Creators ask, "How much money do I have to make
to live the lifestyle I want?" Meanwhile, preservers ask, "How
little money do I have to spend so I can be safe?" As you might
expect, at the extremes creators have a hard time living within
their means, while preservers have a strong mind-set of self-denial
that hinders their ability to enjoy life.
You can imagine the creators sailing on a yacht, drinking
from champagne glasses, while the preservers cling to a life raft
in their wake. Nevermind that the creators are in debt and must
make huge payments on the yacht each month, while the preservers
have enough money in the bank to buy the yacht outright.
If a creator should fall in love with and marry a preserver, they in time may become exasperated by each other's outlooks on money. They "simply cannot understand why their partner insists on sabotaging their financial life," explain the authors.
Typical money issues
In the "Can't Buy Me Love" survey cited before, 46 percent
of respondents keep separate bank accounts, credit card accounts
or both. Most said they want to have their own spending money, but
they also have a joint account for household expenses and bills.
Couples who can afford it have slush funds -- or hush-hush funds -- from which they can draw money without fear of reprisal from their respective mates. This gives them a sense of autonomy and control, even if it's only a small fund.
But keeping big secrets can be problematic for couples. It's called financial infidelity if you're not honest about your spending habits.
One survey question presupposes that secrecy exists in every relationship: "What purchases do you hide most from your spouse?" Roughly 80 percent of respondents said they hide shopping purchases, 10 percent conceal a new credit card, 5 percent carry secret debts from the distant past and 4 percent cover up gambling habits.
Deliberately kept secrets are bad enough, but sometimes one spouse stays in the dark about family finances by choice. Maybe he or she doesn't get involved because it's boring, or because things are working just fine with one partner in charge of it all. But it's never a good idea to remain ignorant about financial matters.
"If you're married, know what the household finances look like," advises Certified Financial Planner Leslie Corcoran of Family First Financial Planning in Stuart, Fla. "Know what you have and what you don't have."
She relates a story about a client whose husband checked into the hospital for what they thought was a routine matter. He had been solely in charge of paying the bills, including premium payments for a $700,000 life insurance policy.
"He ended up dying, and by the time they realized the life insurance bill hadn't gotten paid, guess what? $700,000 worth of life insurance wasn't paid to her estate because she didn't know about it," she says.
"People are fearful to talk to their significant others about finances."
Overcome the fear. Open communication is key to a successful relationship, whether you're attempting to convey messages to your honey about finances or romance.
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