| Saving your money
and your marriage |
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"If your spouse doesn't write down checks in
the checkbook even though you've asked them to, you might interpret
that as a sign they don't care about you," says Jenkins. "If
you can get to that underlying feeling -- your fear of what this
behavior means -- then you can talk about it. They may say, 'It
isn't that I don't care, it's just that I'm swamped right now.'"
8. A change would do you
good
Whoever said familiarity breeds contempt probably had paying
monthly bills in mind. Oftentimes the sheer monotony of our money
chores makes us cantankerous and uncommunicative. We can be so immersed
in the bankbook that talking about it is the last thing we want
to do.
That's a sure sign that change, any change, will do
you good. Consolidate some loans, learn to pay bills online, go
to a different bank branch, anything to shake things up a little
and force some money dialogue between you and your spouse, even
if it's over the new bank's lobby cookies.
"When things become rote or routine, it creates
tension," says Loh. "There's almost an element of deception
when there are things that you sense that your partner is going
to disagree with you about."
9. Lose your immortality
If you think talking with your spouse about money is hard,
try discussing the big D, the grim reaper, your inevitable demise.
Death has a way of making money real in a most fundamental way.
After all, the trick is making sure you have enough of it to go
the distance.
If you haven't yet considered your own mortality --
and granted, who wants to? -- it may help to view it strictly as
a planning tool, the end zone upon which your financial game plan
is based. Failure to plan together now for retirement and beyond
can lead to big problems later.
10. Celebrate the small victories
Once you've been able to agree on some attainable goals, such
as setting up retirement accounts, starting a college fund for the
kids, writing your wills or paying off a mortgage, don't forget
to celebrate when you accomplish them.
In money, in marriage and in life, it's the small
victories that make the difference.
Jay MacDonald is a contributing
editor based in Mississippi.
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