Saving your money and your marriage
By Jay MacDonald • Bankrate.com

It's hardly headline news that money troubles are the most common cause of divorce in America. But you may be surprised to learn that bounced checks and unpaid bills often have very little to do with it.

"The main reason couples have trouble with money is because couples have trouble with relationship skills in the first place," says Natalie Jenkins, vice president of the Denver-based Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program and co-author of "You Paid How Much for That!?"

"Money is the smoke screen for the relationship issues," says Jenkins. "Everybody has money problems. It's those who learn to handle it together that end up staying together."

Suzette Loh, a certified financial planner with New York-based Eisner LLP, says the times have made it more difficult than ever to keep money trouble out of your marriage.

"We are very different as a society today, and it's becoming harder and harder because costs have gone up so much. We are carrying so much consumer debt, and we have different perceptions of what we need," Loh says. "There frequently is a gulf between the perceptions of the earning spouse and the non-earning spouse as to what the family needs and what the actual costs of living are."

But couples don't have to clash over cash. Here are 10 money exercises that could save your money and your marriage:

1. Fear Factor
Just like the TV show, what you don't know about money can scare the daylights out of you. The two biggest bogeymen in most couple's anxiety closet are the worst-case scenarios: divorce or death. In both instances, a partner will be left alone, the ultimate terror for many people. That fear is compounded by the apprehension of learning to deal with financial changes in the aftermath. Rather than let these deep-seated fears erode your marriage, sit down and face them head-on together. Talking about your money and relationship fears together is the best way to send those monsters packing. Vat of snakes and high-wire harness optional.

2. Husband and wife swapping
Swap financial chores, that is. Walk in each other's shoes for a month or two and really get the swing of how it feels to juggle your spouse's marital responsibilities. You'll probably find that you are better than your partner at some things and worse at others. Have a laugh about it, then permanently swap or agree to share some tasks to achieve better results with less friction.

"That's a great thing to do," says Loh. "Typically, each is only dealing with one side: one is only dealing with earning the money, the other is only dealing with the family's expenditures. When one is so divorced from the other, it's easy to lose all sense of perimeters."

3. Go on a money diet
You lose weight by watching what you eat. Try the same thing with your household spending. Each keep a record of everything purchased out-of-pocket for at least one month, excluding groceries, gas and the monthly bills. This gives you both a snapshot of your individual spending patterns and a place to start a dialogue on savings and spending goals.