I gave at the office
By Cynthia E. Brodrick • Bankrate.com

You work hard for your money. We all do. And no matter how much you love your co-workers, you want to get out of work on Friday with that paycheck intact. Sometimes that can be a challenge with unending requests for donations for bridal showers, baby showers, birthdays, retirements and someone's kid selling candy for the school band.

"It can be real problematic, particularly in an organization with younger employees," says Anne Pasley-Stuart, president of Pasley-Stuart HR Consultants of Boise, Idaho. "They don't have as much money, and they're all getting married and having babies."

What's a hard-working, well-intentioned person to do? Here's a guide for coping with office collections -- for those who enjoy them as well as for those who despise them.

The good circle of gifts
You spend 40 hours or more each week with these people. You gossip about your lives around the water cooler. You might even be under the illusion that you're one big, happy family. So, of course, you want to recognize the momentous events in co-workers' lives.

"I don't mind at all being asked to contribute for someone's shower/birthday/retirement. I think it's part of the communal aspect of work and appreciating the events in people's lives," says Laura Hendrix, a committee staff administrator in Frankfort, Ky. "Plus, it's kind of nice when you are the recipient!"

"I figure that what goes around comes around, so when I pitch in for a birthday gift or baby shower, someday they'll brighten my day by doing the same for me," agrees Jessica Holden, a managing editor in Belmont, Calif.

But if you want to participate, it's best to do it to the max -- or not at all. "You either have to give to everyone or no one. And you have to set dollar limits; you can be nickel- and dollar-ed to death," Pasley-Stuart explains.

Thankfully, there are ways to organize donations so everyone is happy. Here are a few suggestions:

• Lunch and a small gift
  When a co-worker was departing on maternity leave, Nanci Black's office took up a collection that benefited everyone.
  
  "We decided that everyone would chip in $5 and we'd buy a good book of children's stories and have a pizza party, " explains the Hampshire, Mass., government buyer. "So we all got lunch out of the deal in addition to the baby getting an absolutely gorgeous book."

• The famous envelope method
  "We just pass around a card and an envelope, and the staff gives whatever they want to for the person or the occasion," Black says. "The department heads generally give more, but they make a lot more money than the rest of the staff. But no one really knows or cares what other people put in."

• Gift kitty
  "Some organizations have a kitty or social fund," Pasley-Stuart says. "The company sets aside a certain amount and employees are allowed to contribute to it -- only up to $5 or $10 a month." This arrangement requires both a plan for what events to recognize and an administrator. But it takes the politics out of the situation and allows the company to participate fairly.

Charity in the name of chocolate
When you're not ponying up dough for a gift, you're often hit up when a co-worker's kid is fund-raising for school. And when their bait is chocolate or cookies, it's hard to resist.

"I am guilty of buying Girl Scout cookies and candy bars," confesses Maryanne Cantrell, a Durham, N.C., accountant. "I truly think these goodies are our generation's equivalent of Mom and apple pie."

Since most folks are a soft touch for treats, there's no need for pressure. When one of Black's co-worker's children sells candy, they leave the box by the copy machine along with an envelope. "If anyone feels like a candy bar, they take one and put in the money. No pressure, thank goodness."

However, most folks cringe when asked to buy cheap stuff at high prices. Black says, "I have found that people don't mind buying the dollar candy bars, but when you start bringing in the $5-to-$10-an-item brochures, that's when people balk."

Again, low-pressure tactics are the best option to keep peace in the office.

"I don't mind being asked to look at catalogs, etc.," says Hendrix, a mother of two. "I know it gets tiresome for some people, so I usually just put things on our electronic bulletin board at work and let people approach me if they want to purchase."

Passing the buck when they're passing the hat
While many workers are happy to contribute to gifts and donate to fund-raisers, others find it downright annoying. If this is you, you'll need a strategy to weasel out of chipping in without looking like a jerk.

"If you even slightly complain about always being hit up for money for people you don't know, you'll be accused of being a leper or a Republican," groans Jerry Shaw, a writer in Fort Pierce, Fla.

So if cake and donations get on your nerves (think Elaine on "Seinfeld"), there are professional ways to handle the situation. Those in the trenches of the donation battle offer the following tips on polite ways to keep the peace and keep your money.

• Be selective.
  "I am apt to contribute to an office collection for a pregnancy more than any other solicitation," Cantrell says. "I know the people having the kids consider education and employment important."

• Be honest.
  Black finds honesty the best policy when dealing with overpriced fund-raising items. "I have found that when you're open and forthright about the subject, people really are OK with it."

• Be evasive.
  "I usually tell the people that some kid from church has already asked and I bought from them -- which I usually have," Pat Repper says, computer programmer in Sanford, N.C. "Most folks leave you alone if you let them know you are supporting your church family."

• Be consistent.
  "One needs their own one-liner: 'I gave at home.' 'I'm broke today.' etc., whatever works for that person. Make sure you use the same line all the time, and soon your co-workers will know it's your way of saying 'no,'" suggests James Duggan, a sales engineer in Buena Park, Calif. "By being consistent in your reply, you can still get away with it even when there is pressure put on you to give."

-- Updated: March 23, 2004