Are you dating a psycho?
By Cynthia E. Brodrick • Bankrate.com

Love is blind. Keep your eyes open by learning the art of discovering your lover's lies, secrets and possible criminal history.

You're in LOVE! Great. Sorry to be a wet blanket, but are you making sure you're not going to get hurt? And I'm not talking about heartbreak.

Of course, you're thinking, 'How could this wonderful person who I find so attractive possibly hurt me?' Remember love causes you to make goofy decisions. If you don't believe me, let the expert remind you what you should already know.

"If you're in love with someone, you're being short-circuited by hormones and such. When people get into that love thing, they lose all common sense," says Maureen O'Sullivan, a University of San Francisco psychology professor.

For example, who can forget Mike Myers in the film So I Married an Ax Murderer? Even if you're not dating a serial killer, your new inamorata could have a few skeletons in the closet -- like, say, a spouse, a violent history, or even a bank account that needs an infusion of your cash.

OK, I know I am feeding your paranoia again. But before you finish handing over your heart, take a deep breath -- and consider a few very inexpensive ways to double-check on your new Romeo or Juliet.

Danger danger, Will Robinson
O'Sullivan believes gut instincts are reactions to visual clues: "We're responding to inconsistencies in non-verbal behavior. Most people can't tell when someone's lying, but they can tell when someone's uncomfortable."

If there's something about your sweetie that makes you uncomfortable, don't just sweep it aside and get back to your romantic glow. A recognized expert in the field of non-verbal communications, O'Sullivan provides a short list of red flags:

Inappropriate emotions: "If they say they're happy about something, but their face doesn't show it."

Watch for memory problems: "They should remember where they spent summer vacations, or how old they are. Be aware of hesitations when answering."

"When people are not doing things with you the normal way." She gives the example that most people date on the weekends. But if the person you are dating is only available certain days -- without any good explanation -- you need to be suspicious.

"You never get to meet anyone in their family or friends."

Speaking of friends, when love has blinded you, who can you count on to give you a heads up on your new squeeze's odd behavior? Your pals, of course. Admittedly a friend may not hit it off with your new love, but if your friends -- especially more than one -- are telling you there's something wrong with the person, it's time to start paying attention to clues.

Magnum P.I.
OK, so you've gotten a couple hints that dim the glow on your new beau. It's time to be an amateur sleuth -- and have fun doing it. Try the driver's license trick -- 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours.' Make a game of it, laugh about your pictures -- but also check that name, birthdate and address to see if they match what you've been told. This would be especially wise for a woman going somewhere alone with a strange man for the first time. If he's got a problem with you asking to see his picture i.d., then at the very least, he's not respecting your safety concerns.

How should you start investigating whether your date is covering something up or is potentially dangerous? Let's start with the basics.

"Get to know his/her family, and find out what kind of work he/she does," recommends private investigator Roger Willard, of Conestoga, Pa. These are obvious and simple background checks. First off, it's a good sign to be introduced to the person's family -- also take the time to learn more about the relationships in the family. As for work, if your date gives you the number at their office, go ahead and call it -- make sure it's legit. Your date's work may also help explain other bizarre behavior -- such as a doctor being on call, or the late hours of a bartender.

If you do develop some serious concerns about this person's background, it doesn't take much to dig a little deeper, explains Willard.

"Go to the courthouse. See if the person you're dating has a criminal record. In most counties, it's a matter of public record," he advises. Depending on where you live, you may be able to run a check on their car license plate as well -- see if they even own that expensive car or have been in numerous drunk driving accidents.

I will be the first to admit that we all exaggerate, especially at the beginning of the relationship . . . and it is possible that your new love is even telling a few fibs. It's the big lies you need to uncover if you suspect this person is a con man or even just someone looking to cheat on their spouse.

"Verify whatever b.s. he [or she] may be telling," says Willard. "If he says he went to Harvard, call Harvard. Most times they will at least confirm it."

If you get a love note -- or anything else written by your new squeeze -- take the opportunity to do a little handwriting analysis. Ellen Jones, a handwriting analyst, provides a quick lesson on negative aspects that can be uncovered by handwriting:

• Extremely large signature: give them a lot of attention.
• Extremely angular and thready: somebody who might be a little manipulative or tricky.
• If love is not clearly written in a love note, wonder about that.
• If handwriting slants extremely to right, person is very needy.
• If handwriting slants extremely to left, be prepared to not know what's going on with them.
• Very wide spaces between words: that's often the distances they keep from other people.
• Lower loops of letters slant very far to left: this person needs a lot of taking care of.
• Handwriting is very rigid: this person is rigid as well, cannot unwind.

Exceptions do exist, Jones reminds. Keep in mind whether the sample was written while the person was rushed, tired or under stress. Some professions, such as architects, are taught a certain style of writing that can distract from the person's true nature. Additionally, print writing is more difficult to analyze than cursive.

Take it easy
OK, so I've got you totally paranoid about any potential date you meet. But remember to balance your caution, and look at everything in context. Don't take one odd detail and make a generalization. If your date is a normal person with odd working hours or no family nearby, and they catch you snooping and acting paranoid, they'll think you're the odd and dangerous one.

-- Updated: Feb. 17, 2004