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Date expectations
for gifts
By Cynthia
E. Brodrick • Bankrate.com
Are there any guidelines on what gift to buy for a
not-quite-yet-loved one?
When you buy a new car, you get a book that explains
when to bring the vehicle in for an oil change and later for bigger
services like a tune-up. Wouldn't it be grand if relationships had
similar guidelines for gift buying? You know, after so many dates
or weeks, you're suppose to spend X amount of dollars depending
on how much you like the person on a scale of 1 to 10.
"You're never required to buy anyone a gift,"
says etiquette expert Hilka Klinkenberg of New York. "A gift is
something you give because you want to make someone feel good."
While Klinkenberg is right in theory, I think most females skip
right over that part in an etiquette book. Plus I'm sure we all
like to make the one we love . . . uh, want to love, feel good.
"[Gifts] speak volumes about your intentions and feelings,"
writes Robert Wray in his book A
Man's Field Guide to Dating. "There are three critical days
that must be recognized with gifts if you are dating someone --
birthday, Valentine's Day and Christmas." Basically it's time to
go shopping for a gift that says 'I care about you,' but not 'I'm
an obsessed stalker.'
What do they want from me?
In gift giving the confusion exists for everyone.
Here are a few tips on how to find out the way to the heart of that
new special someone in your life.
Relate it to a date you've had or hope to have.
If you went to the zoo once, give a toy stuffed lion. Or if spring
is coming, consider a kite or some fun outdoor toy that you two
can share.
Visit your sweetie's house -- and look for details.
Check out the decor, collections, favorite colors, perfume names.
Ask their friends. The friends probably know your
date better than you do. HINT: A lot of women use the ploy of
telling friends what they want as a gift in hopes that you'll
be asking around.
Pay attention. If you're walking through the mall
and your squeeze points out a really cool vase or calendar that
they like -- then you've got a big clue!
Gifts that are risky at beginning of a relationship:
clothing -- including lingerie -- because it's too personal (exception:
a humorous T-shirt) or anything too overtly "couple-ish," such
as a set of dishtowels or a bathrobe.
"Gifts should not be too expensive," Wray explains.
"What is important is that you spend some time and put some thought
into the selection. The gift should be humorous and inexpensive.
It should be a bauble that relates to the other person." If the
relationship is really new, Wray suggests something as simple as
a key chain which you can find for less than five bucks at most
gift stores. If you want to up the ante just a little, check out
the following gift suggestions for under $35 below.
For girlfriends:
Wray suggests a product in the lady's favorite scent
or a fancy picture frame -- in which she can of course put your
picture. You can pick up either of these gifts for $10 to $30
at your local department store.
Women usually like flowers, so watch her face light
up when you give her roses that light up. Light Up roses that
come in three different colors sell for $2.99 each on Star Light
and Magic's Web
site.
OK, let's continue with these cliche women's gifts,
because after all you've just started dating. She may be on a
diet, but not many women would turn up their nose at a lovely
box of Godiva chocolates. You can find plenty of those little
gold boxes for $20 or less at Godiva boutique stores, some department
stores and, of course, their Web
site.
For boyfriends:
Avoid being aggressively romantic by giving him
something wacky like a Joke Master II, which you can pick up for
$29.95 at Sharper
Image. Or a set of Star Wars Pez dispensers, which you can
find in most drugstores for a little more than a dollar each.
If he's into sports in any way, you can't go wrong
with tickets to a sporting event or some inexpensive sporting
gear -- plan on spending less than $35.
They say the best way to a man's heart is through
his stomach -- so give him something edible such as a nearly free
batch of favorite cookies, or drinkable like a six-pack of microbrew
which will cost you less than $10.
For either:
If you're not super-serious about him or her yet
-- show it by buying your date a toy. Archie
McPhee's $9.95 voodoo "dolls" will give your friend a place
to vent their frustration after a computer malfunction.
Get a closer look at the future of your relationship
when you give your potential new love a Magic 8 Ball party game.
It only costs $7.99 at KBToys.com
and probably about the same at your local mall.
If the person you are deeply "in like" with is a
movie buff in any way, consider an original theatre release movie
poster starting at $15, available at Rick's
Movie Graphics and Posters.
For me? How sweet!
What if your squeeze beats you to the punch and
gives you a gift, catching you off-guard? Klinkenberg says you don't
have to run out and buy the other person a reciprocal gift.
But I'd say you'd be enjoying plenty of cold showers if you keep
up that sort of behavior.
"You should be prepared if you want to continue the
relationship," advises Klinkenberg. "And you are obliged to say
'Thank you. This was really swell.' Whether the gift is swell or
not, you want to appreciate their generous act."
"Be very gracious and grateful no matter what the
gift is," agrees Wray. "Follow up immediately with a small thank
you card. It is an excellent opportunity to show some class." This
is getting pretty cool -- you've got a chance to show your new honey
that you have generosity of spirit and class.
Take a chill pill
After this entire attempt at creating a dating-and-gift-giving
guideline, here's the best hint: Don't obsess about it at all. If
this person is hot for you, they'll stay interested no matter what
the gift. If after a gift exchange, the relationship cools, the
other person may have been looking for an excuse to be turned off
and hey, you're better off without that ungrateful jerk.
-- Updated: Feb. 9, 2005
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