How much to locate the love of your life?
By Lynne Vincent • Bankrate.com

The world-renowned anthropologist Margaret Mead once said that one of the oldest human needs is having someone wonder where you are when you don't come home at night. Maybe that's why so many Americans are shelling out cash for services that will help them locate that someone.

For example, Trish McDermott, public relations officer of Match.com stated that they have more than 3 million members with profiles posted on the site (people with whom you can match) and have more than 720,000 current subscribers.

Yes, the Love Business is booming -- er, blossoming. We asked Amy Bloom, a relationship expert and author of the novel Love Invents Us, why.

"Because this is America," says Bloom, whose private clinical social work practice is based in Durham, Conn. "In this country, there's no such thing as something without an industry surrounding it. If you were into bird-watching, I could probably point you to 57 bird-watching organizations, three magazines and a dozen Web sites. Love is just a bigger field in the world's biggest market."

But isn't it kind of weird to pay to find a relationship when other people seem to find one naturally?

"There's nothing weird about spending your money for (something) that's consistent with your goals," says Bloom, whose articles on relationships and other topics have appeared in Vogue, New Woman and The New York Times.

It may not even cost much, at first. In February 1998, Marian, a divorced mother of three living in Florida, signed up with Match.com for a free seven-day trial period (Match.com now offers registration, profile, search, and two-way matching for free). In that week she met Don, a divorced father of three from Nevada. Ironically, he was in the last days of his free trial period as well. So the service cost them nothing, but they've racked up thousands of dollars in airfares since then. No complaints, though. They're both very happy with the results.

"You just have to be very careful to with your criteria. That screens out the people looking for short-term romance," warns Marian. "If you explain just what you're looking for, and the other people are truthful, the service works well in setting up a match."

If you're looking for someone who's interested in opera and horseback riding, and you find that person through some type of meeting or matching service, that's money well spent, Bloom says. But she warns that some "love vendors" are probably more reliable than others. "If you're looking for love through a palmist, a numerologist or the Psychic Network, it probably has less to do with love and more to do with loneliness."

And loneliness has long fueled shadier sectors of the Love Business. Even before traveling caravans, fortune tellers and crystal balls, opportunists bearing spiritual gifts earned a living preying on the emotions of lonely ladies and gents.

Granted, some mystics are motivated by concern for people, but others are more concerned about profit. And profitable it is. Remember Miss Cleo?

"It's understandable that people would want help finding their heart's desire," Bloom says, "but I don't quite understand why people would use (these methods) when there are ways that are a lot more reliable."

One method Bloom says can work is a matchmaker. But unlike the village shadchen in the film classic Fiddler on the Roof, at least one modern matchmaker has traded in his babushka for a doctoral degree. Jim Soules, a San Diego-based marriage matchmaker who holds a doctorate in educational psychology, has been pairing off nuptial partners for 30 years. Charging between $1,000 and $3,000 per hopeful bride or groom, Soules reports that his client load has been as high as 1,300 people. (You do the math). "I conduct all my services via personal interview," says Soules, who regularly receives calls from former customers now happily wed. "No videos, no interest surveys, no technology," he says.

But not every entrepreneur de amour shies away from technology. In fact, as quickly as innovations such as voice mail and cyberspace integrate into mainstream living, Love Business innovators mint new ways to link up lovers. For example, Lavalife (formerly Webpersonals), allows Internet users to post personal ads and conduct database searches for the person of their dreams.

As one of the Web's top online matching services, Lavalife has more than 4 million members, and adds approximately 10,000 new members each day. While most of their features are free, credits (the Web sites's currency) may be purchased to use for sending e-mail and instant messaging sessions. Since Lavalife's services are available in more than 50 cities throughout the United States, Canada, and Australia, their telephone meeting service rates vary. For example, expect to pay up $23 for a 30-minute telephone rendezvous made in New York City.

Amy Bloom says online and telephone services, while still a viable option for finding your true love, are more risky than personal matchmaking services.

"With these types of services, no one is responsible for whether the person who placed an ad is anything like the person in the ad," Bloom says. "People can keep up a good story for a very long time. Be careful, move slowly, and if you meet in person, meet only in a public place."

And, whether you ante up 77 cents a minute or a thousand bucks to meet your dream date, be sure you find out in advance what you're buying, says Bloom.

"Check references, ask for evidence of other satisfied customers and get a contract that spells out what you'll get for your money," she says. "Don't let loneliness get in the way of common sense." But don't let it stop you from looking for true love, either.

--Updated: Feb. 6, 2003