You're dreaming you're on a TV show. It's a good dream -- no, actually, it's a great dream, because you're face-to-face with:

The Man of the Millennium -- Regis (and that's your final answer!)

Letterman or Leno -- and they have a guest on you especially admire.

The guy from The Science Channel.

You read in People Who are Better Than You magazine that celebrated style-setter Pat Puffypants exclusively wears Envy Me, Peon perfume -- or cologne, as the case may be. Your reaction, s'il vous plait?

Mild curiosity. Next time you're in a fancy store, you'll take a sniff.

"Sign me up for a bottle --prontissimo."

"Well, pin a rose on Pat's nose."

You've invited some friends over for wine, cheese and crackers. Problem is, all your budget permits is econo-priced jug wine, so you:

Decant it into empty premium-label wine bottles you keep on hand for just such occasions.

Decant it into an attractive carafe.

Problem? Why would serving jug wine be considered a problem?

Your doorbell rings. Allow your imagination to run wild. Who's your fantasy caller?

Mel, Antonio, Denzel, Jennifer, Britney, Tyra...your choice.

The spirit of Mother Teresa, come to imbue you with her wisdom and strength.

Ed McMahon.

You spot a street vendor selling Louis Vuitton-look wallets. The thought bubble over your head reads:

''Yessss! Gimme three.''

''It's pitiable -- this pandering to people's silly pretensions.''

''Hmmm, the price is right -- but do I really need another wallet?''

The woman sitting next to you on the bus slips off one of her elegant shoes, enabling you to read the inner Manolo Blahnik label. Or, if you're of the male persuasion, let's say it's a guy with snazzy Bruno Maglis (no, it's not O.J.; it's just a guy - OK?). You think:

''Well, la-de-da. Chauffeur's day off?''

''Nice shoe -- my seatmate's got great taste.''

''If s/he slips off the other one, maybe I can grab 'em both and make a run for the door...''

What does the name Prada mean to you?

Nada.

Some big names wear Prada -- you're pretty sure you read that.

Everything. You'd kill for just one Prada in your wardrobe.

If Puff Daddy (now P. Diddy, kiddy) or Madonna wore it, you:

Adore it.

Abhor it.

Frankly, my dear, you don't give (too much of a) damn.

The T-shirt slogan ''He who has the most stuff when he dies, wins'' is:

Meant to be ironic.

Just plain stupid -- but, then, Shakespeare never lent itself to slogans, right?

Actually has a great deal of truth to it.

You'd wear a T-shirt with, say, Tommy Hilfiger's name on it:

When he wears one with your name on it.

When you spot ones you like - and they're on sale. Maybe.

Whenever you can beg, borrow or buy 'em.

Former Philippines First Lady Imelda Marcos, who just opened a shoe museum in her homeland (yes, really!), has been quoted as bristling at reports she once owned 3,000 pairs of shoes: ''I had 1,060.'' Your reaction?

''Imelda -- can we tawk?''

''Um, sounds pretty excessive either way. Personally, I'd be happy with a dozen, maybe a little more.''

''How many pairs of feet does this woman have? No one needs more than three or four pairs of shoes, really.''

Speaking of the shoe museum, which opened earlier this year in Marikina --wanna visit?

''Yes, book me for when hell freezes over.''

''I'd be tempted, if it were closer.''

''Finally, a museum that speaks my name. Anyone who'd want to visit dusty bones over a shoe shrine is nuts.''